My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize