around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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