susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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