Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize