I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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