Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
