we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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