dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
