Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Are my feet made of real feet?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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