If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
