He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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