D3 body, D1 cock
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
