how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
