we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
