I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
