It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
