Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
