lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
