That's when you crack a 10am beer
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
