Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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