he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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