We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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