she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
