I wish I could teleport
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
