I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
