apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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