Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
