I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
