Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
