im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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