Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
