Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
