You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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