As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
