woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
