Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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