grandma shit on top of the toilet
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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