dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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