I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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