I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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