I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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