Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
