just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize