i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
