i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize