I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
