Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
