Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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