YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
