Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
