Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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