I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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