The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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