Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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