never play flip cup with pint glasses
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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