where am i from again
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I want a musical about memes.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
