Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
