How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
