He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
