yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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