High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
