Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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