please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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