the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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