I could make wine with my vomit
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
