remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
