and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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