An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
