So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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