matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Randomize