If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
