just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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