I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
