i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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