I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
